Friday, September 5, 2008

Sleep update

So putting Poppy to sleep in her own crib the other night turned out to be traumatizing for everyone involved. As soon as she was in there, the screaming started - she skipped the crying and just went straight to screaming. I held her hand and sat right next to the crib trying to calm her down, but she wanted none of that - she wanted out! But this is what I was prepared for, so I got out my watch and tried my best to try to soothe her. 35 minutes later, we were both in tears and I immediately took her out of the crib, apologized profusely and gave her ice water for her poor little throat. We laid down on my bed and within minutes she was asleep.  Now you may be thinking that I'm a big wimp and that I need to just let her cry, and if I were not an adoptive parent, I would agree with you.  However, being the adoptive parent that I am, the entire time she screamed, everything within me was screaming that this was all wrong!  This was going against everything that I have read and learned about attachment parenting.

And that is why this afternoon my new little family went to an appointment to see a highly reputable attachment therapy psychotherapist.  And what a relief it is that we were able to see him so quickly and that his office is in our area.  He was absolutely amazing and basically said everything we needed to hear.  Nothing new or earth-shattering, he just reminded us of just how much trauma our little girl has gone through in her short little life.  He said that at this point in our attachment process, the last thing we should be worrying about is getting her into her crib.  Poppy has spent her entire life sleeping on a mattress on the floor along side her foster mother.  So if it comforts her to sleep next to us, then that is what we need to do, for however long she needs it.  He also went over different reasons for why she might not be sleeping through the night, all of which should go away with time.  He gave us a bunch of book recommendations that I will start diving into tomorrow.  It was also re-assuring to hear that it's totally normal that she really isn't going to anyone other than me, sometimes not even Marc.  He gave us some tips on how to deal with that, but basically he said we need to relax and give her time.  And that is exactly what we plan on doing.

8 comments:

kristin said...

way to trust your instincts, amanda! good for you. :) i'm so glad that you were able to get the support you needed so quickly.

(i'd love to get the titles of those books when you have a chance...) :)

Chandra said...

First, Poppy is so adorable!

Second, I'm glad you sought professional help if for nothing else than to ease your mind. If any of the books are helpful please tell us about them! I'm glad you listened to your gut and took your baby girl out of the crib.

Courtney said...

Good for you guys. I am glad you went to see him and he was able to help you.

Carol said...

Mother's instinct is always the best policy, in my opinion! I'm glad the doctor reassured you that you were doing the right thing. Keep up the great work in giving that beautiful girl a terrific life.

Christa said...

WOW! That is great! I am so glad he was so informative. Now, you should make a point to tell your pediatrician this!! Oh, and I know we always talk about the Holt Board..but another couple put the crib in their room with the side down smack up against their bed (once the baby outgrew the co-sleeper)...Good Luck! Keep doing the right thing!! (and where do you buy a floor mat?) Maybe we should invest in these!

Natalie said...

You poor thing!!!!! AHHHH the joys of motherhood.....never knowing if what you are doing is helping or hurting them!! I will say (still) that I think you guys are doing an AMAZING job and I am glad that you talked to a professional who confirmed your ideas. I miss you at work, its just not the same without you. But I promise to drive you crazy with emails and updates!

saintlouisfricks said...

Man, 35 mins. is way longer than I could have lasted. Very impressive. But absolutely I agree with the doc - let little Poppy take as long as she wants. And please, if you have time, we'd love the titles of those books! Happy co-sleeping! (We've still got Olive on the floor next to us too. I don't think the move to the crib would go well for any of us...)

Dana said...

Oh, this is such a hard transition!! I remember these days and they are such a blur. We actually slept on the floor (on top of an eggcrate mattress topper) in Kaneu's room (we took turns because we couldn't all fit). Gradually we moved him into his crib - first during naptime, after he fell asleep, and I was always sure to be there when he was waking up and giving him lots of positive reinforement. The biggest thing I had a difficult time with was listening to my gut instinct. It sounds like you guys are on the ball with following yours and seeing the specialist. That is so great to know that there is someone closeby who can address your concerns. You guys are doing great!

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