Thursday, February 28, 2008

Tissue, please.

I just had a really good cry over all of my frustrations with the lack of referrals and communication from my agency. Wow, I needed that. I haven't cried like that in such a long time. I had a meeting earlier this week with all of the librarians in my school district. We meet once a month and questions about whether or not I've heard any good news about the adoption are inevitable. Due to my lack of being able to share any good news, I have come to dread these monthly meetings. Here's how this meeting began...

them "So, Amanda, any good news?!"
me "Um, no." (try to force a smile)
them "Oh, that's ok, it'll happen soon enough."
them "So how many numbers have you moved up on the waiting list now?"
me "Um, none. "
them "What do you mean - none? How long has it been since you've moved up the list?"
me "Never. We've never moved up the list. We're still the same number we've always been. "
them "What?! Why haven't you moved up the list?"
me "I don't know."
them "Where are all the babies?"
me "I don't know."
them "But didn't you think you would be close to completing the adoption this Spring?"
me "Yep, we sure did."
them "You don't mind that we ask you about this, do you?"
me "No, not at all." (I love starting my day like this.)
silence
them "Ok, let's get this meeting started."
me (to myself) Look down at my lap, bite my lip, bite my lip. Don't cry. Don't cry Amanda!!!!

And this is why it is a good thing to have a good cry in the privacy of my own home, without my co-workers staring at me. Now don't get me wrong, I don't blame them for asking me about the adoption. I would do the same thing! But this is why, if I don't start to see some movement on the list and start hearing some really good news soon, I am going to lose it. I'm warning you people, this blog could start getting ugly.

11 comments:

Chandra said...

*handing you a tissue* I completely understand. Sometimes you just need to get it out! And you're right, better at home than in front of your co-workers.

Natalie said...

I am sorry!!! There is always "The closet". You deserve every second of a good cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leslie & Shaune said...

oh girl, you need a hug. i'm sorry, i totally understand. you need to come to the GTA waiting mommies dinner on the 14th, being surrounded by 15-20 women who know exactly how much waiting BITES is nice once in a while. Besides, I'd love to meet you in person. I will be going as long as there isn't a snowstorm stopping me :)

Anonymous said...

I'm simply sending you my love....
Tammy

Anonymous said...

Wow. I think I am going to cry. {{{hugs}}}. So sorry this is taking longer than originally anticipated. Just keep knowing that God has the perfect child in mind for you. If you need to chat or vent, call me this weekend. I owe you a few...

andrea said...

I can't say anything to make it better but know that I'm hear to listen to whatever you want to dish out.

Anonymous said...

Ya, it probably didn't help that you just had to explain the whole process to me on SATURDAY!!! Its good to get it all out though, cry all you want, its a frustrating place to be!

Sarah

Jen said...

"Hugs"

People just don't understand how your perception of time during and adoption can make or break you. Especially when there is no movement at all in the process and you start to feel like crying every time you check your email or voice mail!

I think you should take Leslie up on the waiting mommas dinner--you need some support and a cocktail to get you through this.

Anonymous said...

Amanda,

I just wanted to send you my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping you and Marc get some good news soon. The waiting must feel unbearable.
P.S. from someone who tends to be a bit emotional and sensitive, a wonderful trick I learned is to look up at the ceiling when you feel a cry coming on, because your tear ducts can't work (gravity?) I don't know how, but it really works, I swear. Just down look down! That way you can cry on your own terms!
Sending my love,
Aimee

Dawn said...

Hi Amanda,
My name is Dawn. My husband and I live in Syracuse, and we adopted our daughter from Vietnam last March. I stumbled upon your blog today. I think it was on someones "blogroll". Anyway, I saw on your blog that you lived in NY, and I am always excited to find other families that live in this area. Our agency is based in N. Carolina, so most of the families are from down there. We had a wonderful adoption experience, which I am always happy to share. Oh boy, can I remember all too clearly how many tears were shed while we waited for our baby girl. I hope good news comes your way soon. Feel free to email me if you ever want to chat.
Dawn

Jennifer said...

right there with you. hang in there.

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